Follow my adventures as I discover that there is a whole world that actually exists outside of my front door. I'll have posts about pop culture, travel, food and tons of other nonsense that will make you laugh.
So you have a new baby, but not a lot of space. Well, here's an invention from the past I think will really come in handy. New from Steve0 Industries, The Dynamic Baby Cage!!
That's right the Baby Cage, because babies need fresh air too. As you can see, little Johnny is completely protected and free to enjoy time on his on, away from mom, who better get the cooking and cleaning done before dad gets home.
Reserve your baby cage now, and for just a bit extra, we'll reenforce your baby cage for the toddler that's little heftier than most.
For only $99.99, you can put your baby outside your window, in a cage, and be reassured they will be safe and sound and away from you. We're able to put a cost on piece of mind, and the Dynamic Baby Cage provides safety and security for only $99.99 + shipping and handling, processing and delivery. Call now to order yours 1-800-555-CAGE
Since I posted about Baby Metal, I might as well keep the Japanese theme today and blog about my new favorite Anime series Attack on Titan. I'm not a huge fan of Anime as a rule. Sure I like all of the stuff we watched as kids, Robotech, Voltron, Battle of the Planets, etc, but I don't really enjoy the rest of what Anime has to offer. I heard about Attack on Titan somewhere on the internet. It's based on a very popular Manga in Japan. It sounded interesting so I gave it a try. It's currently streaming on Netflix. I'm only about have way through the series, but so far I'm really enjoying it. The story takes place in the future, with humans being forced to wall themselves inside a huge walled city to protect them from man eating giants with creepy perma-grins. The giants are super creepy. They're all naked (no genitals though), with super creepy dead eyes and disturbing grins.
They shamble slowly, with "unique" titans popping up from time to time. The "uniques" have different abilities and intelligence levels. The story revolves around a group of kids that train to defend the city from the Titans threat. It does get a little annoying from time to time, especially when the characters are screaming at each other. It's in Japanese with english subtitles, so sometimes it's hard to read and follow the on-screen action. The series has lots of twists and turns, which keeps it fun and surprising. Apparently in Japan there are video games based on the Manga version of this and a live action movie is being made. I'm sure if this gets popular enough in the U.S., a movie studio will make a terrible, watered down American version.
So for all those people that posted this goofy video, "thanks", now you've exposed me to the most ridiculous thing ever, that I can't stop watching. So I guess it's up to me to "Pat It Forward". There are so many reasons to hate Baby Metal. But it's so poppy and catchy, as these Japanese gals rock out, singing about chocolate. The best part is the band dressed in skeleton outfits. Or is it the choreography. Or is it the music. It's all good. God help me it's all good. Now I'm sure there is some sort of subliminal message buried in the music that will either raise the elder god Cthullu, send waves of teens to ritual suicide, or sterilize all men over twenty. I guess we'll just have to wait and see.
So I like to think I know stuff, about movies anyway. So it's always fun when I run across some new tidbit of forgotten movie history. I guess back when The Empire Strikes Back was released, it was paired with a short film to run before it. It ran before Empire only in Europe and Australia. I don't know why we didn't get to see it here in the U.S. It was called Black Angel and it was about a knight returning from the Crusades, who stumbles into a dark fantasy adventure. The movie was feared lost after it's theatrical run, until some archivist found a negative of it in the Universal Studios vaults. So hopefully in the near future this little gem will find it's way onto Blu-Ray or Netflix. YouTube has a couple short clips that give you an idea of the tone of the movie. It's got an Excalibur feel to it, which is pretty awesome.
When I say cover bands, what comes
to mind? A bunch of guys, banging around with guitars and drums, trying to
recreate some classic rock sound, I’d bet. Now while I’m sure there are some
really bad cover bands out there, I want to talk about some good ones I’ve seen
lately. Now, to be honest, I’m not a huge concert guy. I don’t really dance and
I don’t like the crowds. I usually end up watching people and making fun of
their concert antics. My fiancée likes to go out and do stuff and so she’s been
dragging me out of my cave to do things I wouldn’t usually try. So a couple of
weeks ago, I found myself walking into the State Theater in Falls Church,
Virginia to see a Queen cover band. I like Queen. I have their Flash Gordon soundtrack, on record,
which I got when I was a lad. Who doesn’t enjoy the Highlander soundtrack? I like all of their hits. I didn’t expect
much, but I’m a good sport, so off to see Almost
Queen (www.almostqueen.com) I went. And you know what, they were really, really good. I mean
really good. They looked like Queen. They played like Queen. It was impressive.
The guy that portrayed Freddie Mercury was tremendous. They didn’t play any
songs from Highlander, but maybe when
I see them AGAIN in a few weeks they’ll break off a little “Princes of the
Universe” for me.
My cover band experience doesn’t
end there though. Once again, here we go back to the State Theater, this time
it’s a twofer, Almost Journey and 2U (www.notU2.com). Now I’m not a huge fan of U2,
they’re okay; I can take them or leave them. I like some Journey songs, but probably
not enough to go to a Journey show. BUT, being a good guy, I put on a smile and
went along for the fun. And leave it to these guys to really turn me around.
When I got to the theater, I was a little disappointed that 2U had another
cover band opening for them. But little did I realize the amazing gimmick I was
about to behold. Spoiler Alert: 2U and Almost Journey was the same band!
It was hilarious and really, really good. Bono was Steve Perry! The Edge was
Neal Schon! The drummer was not only the drummer for Almost Journey and 2U, but
also for Almost Queen. The bass player made time during songs for dramatic rock
poses for picture takers. The lead singer did a great job as both singers. So
much so that a frenzied older lady slipped her phone number to him. It was a
super fun show. They played all the hits and some deep cuts. If you get a chance to see any of these bands, you should check
them out. It’s a lot cheaper than seeing the real thing and I’m sure just as
much fun.
Everybody loves superhero TV shows these days. You’ve got Arrow and maybe The Flash on the CW, Agents
of Shield on ABC and soon the Marvel Universe moves onto Netflix. So NBC
thought to them selves “Hey, we were ahead of the curve on this whole superhero
thing. Why don’t we dust off that old Heroes
show and get a piece of this nerd audience?”
First off, Heroes was a piece of
garbage, it just was. The Cape was
better; if anybody remembers that, why not redo that one. So of course the
Internet has exploded. Everywhere you turn people are whining about rebooting Heroes and not Firefly or something else they deem more deserving. Of course, now
lists of shows that should be redone are popping up everywhere. Not to be
outdone, I’ll jump onboard the hack express and give you my own list of shows
that deserve the Lazarus treatment. I’m sure this list will look a little
different than most though.
10. Small Wonder: This wouldn’t
be a reboot, but a continuation of Vicki and her brother as she attempts to
adjust in an ever-changing modern world, despite still being a little girl
robot. With her parents now dead, it’s just Vicki and her odd, now adult
brother. He has become a serial killer and uses Vicki to aid in luring in his
victims. This version is just a little bit darker than the original. Hilarity
ensues.
9. B.J. and the Bear: The story
of a crime fighting long haul trucker and his chimp sidekick, this will be a
reboot as B.J. travels the roads of a devastated U.S. after an inevitable
nuclear holocaust has destroyed the country. B.J. and the Bear will bring much
needed supplies to survivors, battle mutants and find love and laughs along the
irradiated highways of America. Hilarity will ensue.
8. Street Hawk: If you want a
superhero show NBC, buy the rights to this from ABC. Just a man fighting crime
on his tricked out super motorcycle. He rides through the darkness to save YOU
from the mindless violence of the city. Hilarity ensues.
7. Dukes of Hazzard: A
continuation of sorts, Bo and Luke return to Hazzard County after a successful
run in NASCAR. Ready to settle back into the simple country life, they are
shocked to find Hazard has become a cesspool of drugs, prostitution and crime.
Their “cousins” Coy and Vance have assumed control of Hazzard and rule with iron
fists. Daisy is now a prostitute, Uncle Jessie is dead and Cooter works in the
Wal-Mart automotive department. The series will follow Bo and Luke as they
attempt to wrest control of Hazzard away from Coy and Vance. Hilarity ensues.
(All credit to Brian Cousins for this one.)
6. Carnivale: Holy fuck HBO, how
about you finish the show. You cancelled it after a cliffhanger and didn’t even
let them make a movie to wrap it up. Keep running True Blood into the ground, but don’t bring any closure to Carnivale! How about you give ANOTHER
show to Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant! Rant over, hilarity ensues.
5. Firefly: Okay, I might as
well put this one on here. Firefly
was a fun show that FOX gave ZERO chance too. They didn’t even bother to show
it in the correct order. Nathan Fillion is ratings gold (see Castle) and yet he couldn’t save the
day. Friday night is well known to be the spot that FOX puts shows to die. I
wish they would move DADS into that
spot. Somehow, Seth McFarlane’s show DADS
is still on the air. It has to be the worst thing I’ve ever seen.Oh
well. Let the hilarity ensue.
4. Sledge Hammer: This show’s
run ended with a nuclear bomb detonating and destroying everything. The obvious
next season would have followed Sledge as he brought hilarious order back to
the city. For a half hour sitcom, ABC would’ve been way ahead of the creative
curve if they had kept this series going. You would have had tons of jokes
about radiation sickness and birth defects. The hilarity would ensue.
3. ALF: That crazy alien from
Melmac is back and this time he’s a surgeon. Through a crazy series of events,
ALF finds himself being named head surgeon of a metropolitan hospital. What
kind of shenanigans will occur as ALF tries to keep his identity as an alien
secret and keep people alive? Hilarity ensues.
2. T.J. Hooker: First, we clone
Bill Shatner, accelerate his growth in a tube and fill him with all accumulated
Shatner knowledge. Next, we find Adrian Zmed, wherever he is, and bring him
back as an older Vince Romano. This time he’s the older officer, breaking in
the “cloned” rookie T.J. Hooker. We would play off Romano’s wariness of working
with a cloned partner. He’d say things like “You’ll never match up to the real
Hooker” and “Somewhere, Hooker’s rolling over in his grave.” Of course the real
William Shatner will be cast as the original, now having gone insane from so
much pent up anger and intensity. He will be the show’s main bad guy. Hilarity
will ensue.
1. Manimal: He's a guy that turns into animals and solves crimes. This show writes itself. Hilarity ensues.
